What's Up lol
Figure I'll just write a little update here about my life since my next post (hopefully) about films review is going to take a while because I've been procrastinating (what's new?) and also the fact that my memory is horrible so I'm thinking of re-watching (which probably isn't gonna happen because I recently jot down a list of my movies to watch and that list is hella long) so I can actually review it properly. Most of them are Japanese films. I'm on a tiny mission to complete watching Makoto Shinkai's movies because I love the aesthetics and the plots. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to skip a few just because I'm too lazy.
I'm currently back into kdrama again! By back, I mean I'm finally watching a kdrama again!! My last kdrama was Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo. But I watched it probably months after its release. So I guess the most recent drama I watched was Goblin. Now I'm currently watching 'Romance is a bonus book', starring my favourite Jong-suk. However, what makes me watched this show was because I recognise the female lead, Lee Na-Young. My initial thought was 'Isn't she the actor from Plan B???' And I was right! For those who didn't watch it, please do. It's kinda old but it's a very cool action drama series and it featured Rain too!! [full title: The Fugitive: Plan B]. Wow, I just googled it and it's actually released in 2010. That's like 9 years ago, I feel old. And I think the surprising part is I actually remember her LOL. So yes I must have love Plan B a lot even though I'm pretty sure I don't understand what the hell was going on because I was too young to understand the complicated romance plot and all the 'illegal business'.
That aside, 'Romance is a bonus book' is really helping me get back into reading books again. It's been months since I started reading Love, Simon but damn I just couldn't finish it? As usual, I'm procrastinating. At this point, I'm getting a little frustrated at myself because I used to enjoy reading it and now I don't??? Plus, I did order a few books so I can encourage myself to read more frequently but if I'm already struggling with one book, I can't imagine how long will it take for me to finish the rest. Yikes!
Okay, it's literally 5am, I'll continue this later today or next time.
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I think I'm starting to be clingy again which is kinda bad because I hate being clingy! I do this stupid thing where I'm going to start depending on others to feel the void in me which by now I know it only can be filled by me. I want to 'love myself' so I have fewer problems and maybe more confidence but how does one actually do that? Is google gonna offer me good advice? mhmm. I don't hate being by myself or anything (actually I love being alone) but I think I'm feeling lonely nowadays and that's so sad. I could go out and meet people and I'll still feel lonely. Somebody explain! Hah but wait! Will my stubborn ass believe the truth? Probably not. It's literally 1am but I feel like drinking tea. Am I messed up or what?
I know it's rather contradicting to say this even though my previous paragraph showed so much excitement about the kdrama, I feel like everything I've done lately is so pointless. Maybe because I've been avoiding what I need to do. But man, my life is really bland. It's like someone just turn my life into a black & white film. It's calming but it's also very dull. I've been sleeping a lot because my body is always tired. I think mostly because I messed up my sleep schedule.
That feeling of unworthy is back again and I know is just my dark thoughts trying to drag me down but I don't think it's lying though, which makes the whole thing sucks even more. I honestly shocked myself by being so calm with my horrible results. I was expecting more crying, more outrage or more emotions. But I'm just cool with it. I cried for a day or two and I stopped. I don't know if that's me feeling numb but I see it as me being an optimist. And that kinda scares me because I'm waiting to see when is my next breakdown. I know it's gonna happen, me being so okay with it just feels wrong? Then again, I did spent my entire J2 worried about ending up this situation and what I should do about it so I guess I predicted it?
How does one become normal again? Because I've been feeling dysfunctional for the past 2 years, which honestly isn't so bad. But man it's exhausting. It's tiring to do anything.
I'm currently back into kdrama again! By back, I mean I'm finally watching a kdrama again!! My last kdrama was Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo. But I watched it probably months after its release. So I guess the most recent drama I watched was Goblin. Now I'm currently watching 'Romance is a bonus book', starring my favourite Jong-suk. However, what makes me watched this show was because I recognise the female lead, Lee Na-Young. My initial thought was 'Isn't she the actor from Plan B???' And I was right! For those who didn't watch it, please do. It's kinda old but it's a very cool action drama series and it featured Rain too!! [full title: The Fugitive: Plan B]. Wow, I just googled it and it's actually released in 2010. That's like 9 years ago, I feel old. And I think the surprising part is I actually remember her LOL. So yes I must have love Plan B a lot even though I'm pretty sure I don't understand what the hell was going on because I was too young to understand the complicated romance plot and all the 'illegal business'.
That aside, 'Romance is a bonus book' is really helping me get back into reading books again. It's been months since I started reading Love, Simon but damn I just couldn't finish it? As usual, I'm procrastinating. At this point, I'm getting a little frustrated at myself because I used to enjoy reading it and now I don't??? Plus, I did order a few books so I can encourage myself to read more frequently but if I'm already struggling with one book, I can't imagine how long will it take for me to finish the rest. Yikes!
Okay, it's literally 5am, I'll continue this later today or next time.
//
I think I'm starting to be clingy again which is kinda bad because I hate being clingy! I do this stupid thing where I'm going to start depending on others to feel the void in me which by now I know it only can be filled by me. I want to 'love myself' so I have fewer problems and maybe more confidence but how does one actually do that? Is google gonna offer me good advice? mhmm. I don't hate being by myself or anything (actually I love being alone) but I think I'm feeling lonely nowadays and that's so sad. I could go out and meet people and I'll still feel lonely. Somebody explain! Hah but wait! Will my stubborn ass believe the truth? Probably not. It's literally 1am but I feel like drinking tea. Am I messed up or what?
I know it's rather contradicting to say this even though my previous paragraph showed so much excitement about the kdrama, I feel like everything I've done lately is so pointless. Maybe because I've been avoiding what I need to do. But man, my life is really bland. It's like someone just turn my life into a black & white film. It's calming but it's also very dull. I've been sleeping a lot because my body is always tired. I think mostly because I messed up my sleep schedule.
That feeling of unworthy is back again and I know is just my dark thoughts trying to drag me down but I don't think it's lying though, which makes the whole thing sucks even more. I honestly shocked myself by being so calm with my horrible results. I was expecting more crying, more outrage or more emotions. But I'm just cool with it. I cried for a day or two and I stopped. I don't know if that's me feeling numb but I see it as me being an optimist. And that kinda scares me because I'm waiting to see when is my next breakdown. I know it's gonna happen, me being so okay with it just feels wrong? Then again, I did spent my entire J2 worried about ending up this situation and what I should do about it so I guess I predicted it?
How does one become normal again? Because I've been feeling dysfunctional for the past 2 years, which honestly isn't so bad. But man it's exhausting. It's tiring to do anything.
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